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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29721120">Dust Bowl Dance</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/viiren/pseuds/viiren'>viiren</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Animal Death, Apocalypse, Author is a Toby Smith | Tubbo Apologist, BAMF Toby Smith | Tubbo, Child Abuse, Gun Violence, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Past Child Abuse, Post-Apocalypse, Protective TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Wilbur Soot, Religion, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt, Some comfort, Toby Smith | Tubbo Angst, Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, Toby Smith | Tubbo is Not Okay, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, Traumatized Toby Smith | Tubbo, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, tubbo kinda hates tommy in the beginning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:00:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,279</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29721120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/viiren/pseuds/viiren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"The world ended for Tubbo ten years before it did for everyone else. Being taken away from a caring mother to the middle of the desert to live with a delusional man who believed God would bring the End. Being forced to grow up much quicker than any kid should. Learning that his greatest strength was the fact that he was quiet, easy to be forgotten and looked over."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot &amp; TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot &amp; TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>425</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Faults</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>ive been working on this idea for about a month and decided to finally throw it out into the world. no schedule atm and things will just be updated whenever</p>
<p>warning for abuse and religious guilt/unhealthy relationship with religion (this will carry on into the rest of the story, so this will be the only warning for that)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The world ended for Tubbo ten years before it did for everyone else. Being taken away from his caring mother in the middle of the night and moved to the middle of the desert to live with a delusional man who believed God would bring the End. Being forced to grow up much quicker than any kid should. Learning that his greatest strength was the fact that he was quiet, easy to be forgotten and looked over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first few years were the worst. When he was still bright eyed and hopeful. But as days turned into weeks, and weeks into years, those eyes started to dim and that hope died. He didn't know what was happening and didn't understand the awful world that was forced onto him. Didn't help that he was weak, barely able to lift the crates of food that needed to go down into the cellar. Things like hunting and tilling the hard, dry desert ground took hours of his day. He couldn't even begin to count the amount of nights he spent working just so he wouldn't be behind the next day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Getting behind on work was perhaps the worst thing Tubbo could do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Years passed and living didn't get easier, not really. He just got better at pretending it did. Got better at hiding how his body would shake or his eyes would fill with tears whenever he was yelled at. Got better at hunting, better at pushing down his feelings whenever he had to properly kill the small animals that didn't die in the traps. Got better at no longer stumbling over his words when he prayed. Got better at not running when a hand was raised against him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>During the day Tubbo was determined to be the best he could be. He would not complain how much his body hurt, or how the dust had started to make his lungs burn. Wouldn't say any unwanted words unless he was far away from the house. Would show how happy he was to be able to live and have someone looking out for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was during the nights that everything crumbled around him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He would wait in his room until everything went quiet, the only sounds filling his ears were when the old bones of the house rattled and creaked. He would finally allow himself to breath in this time. Then, he would allow himself to cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo would cry because he was scared. Scared of the outside world and the terrible people that he knew lived there. Scared of the house, that seemed to only grow more and more cold as the years went on. Scared of the man who he once considered his father. Scared of God becoming angry with him and sending him to Hell. He would cry until he couldn't make tears anymore, leaving his body shaking and tired.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was only then that he could sleep for a time that never felt like enough. And then in the morning, he would wake with a foggy and fearful mind as he got on his knees and prayed. He would pray for as long as it took to remove all the guilt in his chest, sometimes it took minutes other times it took an hour.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the end, it didn't matter how long it took, as long as he prayed, he had done well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>________________</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo couldn't remember what he did, but he knew that he had done something wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tenison had been boiling in the air for the past few days, making a suffocating atmosphere that Tubbo struggled to breath in. He was sat across from the man, eyes locked onto the plate of food in front of him. He didn't dare look up, knowing that as soon as he made the mistake of eye contact the world would come crashing down. He could hear the sound of food being chewed, and he prayed that maybe things would be okay until dinner was over. At least then he could maybe escape to his room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that was a foolish thing to pray for, and God wasn't a fool.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What did you do today, Toby?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo kept his gaze down, swallowing hard as he tried to keep himself composed, "I walked the property, made sure every- everything was good and then I tended the fields," He paused, giving the man enough time to cut him off. The worst thing he could possibly do was interrupt the man, even if it was unintentional, "We're only a few days out of a harvest. I think if we really want to, we could do it a few days early-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's a terrible decision."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo blinked, daring to look up at the man, "Wh- What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"If we harvest early, we're being ungrateful."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn't understand, confusion filling his mind, "But it would be more- It would be better for the winter if-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Toby, the fact that you don't understand why you're being ungrateful really concerns me," Tubbo froze, suddenly far too afraid to breath, "Do I need to be concerned?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No you- No, you don't. I promise."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You don't sound confident in your answer," Tubbo couldn't speak, and his silence only worsened the state of everything, "Are you lying to me?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fear shot through Tubbo, and he felt his hands start to violently shake, "No, I promise I'm not-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A hand slammed down against the table and Tubbo had to do everything he could to stop himself from making a sound, "Why are you lying Toby?" He wasn't lying, he just couldn't say anything to defend himself, "I didn't raise a liar. You know how much He hates lying."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know, I know. I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a deafening silence after Tubbo's words, and he immediately knew that he messed up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man didn't say another word as he silently rose from his seat. Tubbo watched with wide eyes as the man got closer and closer, and he held the air in his lungs until it started to burn. The man loomed over him and Tubbo wondered if his body was shaking as much as it felt like it was. Tubbo wondered if he had time to rush out another apology, to maybe try and make the situation any better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The harsh slap to his face that nearly sent him falling out of his seat showed that was a foolish thing to wonder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His face burned, tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he kept his head down low. The man was still standing over him, which meant Tubbo still had the awful chance of getting hit again. A hand touched the top of Tubbo's head, titling it to force him to look at the man. Tubbo tried not to feel guilt when he saw the hurt in the man's eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, Toby... I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you that bad. I just get so frustrated when you lie to me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo allowed himself to start breathing again, and the hand atop his head offered a small amount of comfort. The man was in one of his better moods, a rarity these days, meaning Tubbo was probably in a safer place to speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know, and I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have lied, I won't ever do that again."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man smiled and he stepped away from Tubbo, "I like to hear that and I know that He is proud of you for saying that."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pride and happiness swelled in Tubbo's chest and he smiled weakly up at the man who gave his head one last pat before his hand dropped to his side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Clean the kitchen Toby, then go to bed."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo nodded absent-mindedly, and watched as the man left the small kitchen. Tubbo didn't move for a long time, a smile still on his face as the man disappeared into his small bedroom. It was only after that the door slammed shut that Tubbo's smile broke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn't move from his seat for a long time, only standing when his hands stopped shaking enough for him to gather the plates without fear of dropping them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>________________</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo wished he had learned that alcohol wasn't always a bad thing earlier in his life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had never touched it, he was far too afraid for what it might cause. But just because he didn't drink didn't mean it was without its benefits. Alcohol made the man quicker to anger, but he was more likely to miss when he threw a punch or tire himself out much faster. Tubbo always knew that he could run faster than a drunken man, and if he did run, the man would probably forget he did by the next morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the man didn't drink as often as Tubbo would've liked. He didn't understand why, it wasn't like they were going to run out of it anytime soon. There was a supply drop at the end of every week that the man would pick up. Tubbo didn't know where the supplies came from, wasn't allowed to leave his room until the man had returned with the box. He had asked once if he could come along and help bring it back home. His head spun for days after and he never asked again. Every time, when the man returned with the supply drop, Tubbo was tasked with putting everything away. He had to find places for the new canned food, seeds and of course, alcohol.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo could barely count all the bottles in the house now, he just knew they filled up nearly every single cabinet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So when the man started to drink more and more, waking up in the morning slurring his words and unable to walk in a straight line, Tubbo imminently noticed the change. Maybe it should've concerned him that he felt guilty when he didn't do anything. He knew that God hated him for standing by and allowing the man to poison himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he couldn't bring himself to care enough, not when the bruises that covered his skin had <em>finally</em> started to fade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>________________</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man fell ill, forcing Tubbo to go from working every day in the fields to working to break a fever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo wondered if it was even worth it, because as the days passed and the fever just got worse, Tubbo knew the man was going to die. As soon as Tubbo thought that, he was disgusted with himself, falling to his knees and beginning God to save the man.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man laughed at him whenever he prayed. Not a lighthearted laugh, but a laugh full of spite and hatred. He would struggle to sit up and grab Tubbo by the collar as he shouted words that Tubbo didn't understand. Tubbo would just stare at him and shake until the man was too tired to keep shouting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo never knew what to say after those outbursts, just falling to his knees and asking to be forgiven by God <em>and</em> the man now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man glared up at the ceiling as he struggled to breath. His anger filled the air and burned Tubbo's skin, "You caused this," Tubbo was sitting on the floor, head in his hands as he continued to listen to the man's words, "You did this."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're just like you're fucking mother."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know, I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're lying to me, <em>again</em>."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo wasn't lying, he never lied when he apologized.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I should've let them take you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo wanted to throw up, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He hates you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo wasn't sure when he had started to cry, "I know."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man didn't say anything else, and Tubbo would discover he had died in the morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>________________</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo buried the man near the back of the house. He had wrapped the body with the sheets from the bed he had died in. Dug a hole deep enough that no animals would want to dig it back up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He made a crude cross, placing it not only as a marker for the grave but also as a reminder for Tubbo to not use these fields anymore. He dug all day, laying the man to rest just as the sun started to set over the land.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo started at the fresh mound of earth with dry eyes. He had cried enough already, probably more than what was deserved. He had never expected to have a funeral so soon, figured he would at least be over eighteen, so he had nothing prepared. No words or stories that he would say. Guilt clawed in his stomach as he thought about how disrespectful that was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man, his <em>father</em>, who had taken care of him all these years was dead. Tubbo had done nothing but be a parasite to him, taking up space and being a waste of food that could've been saved. He had offered him safety in this awful world and taught him how to survive. He had given Tubbo everything. Now he was dead, gone forever, and Tubbo hadn't done anything except be ungrateful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo took in a shaky breath as he closed his eyes. He thought carefully over his words, trying to remember the words to the prayer he had once read. He swallowed thickly, hoping he had remembered the words correctly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Lord bless you and keep you. The- The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the ground below Tubbo didn't open up and swallow him, he took that as a sign that he had spoken correctly; albeit with hestiance and uncertainty. He opened his eyes, locking into the cross as a wave of unease washed over him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His legs shook and his stomach flipped as he stumbled back. Tears burned at the corners of his eyes and something awful clawed at his throat. The sound of the man filled the air, yelling insults and abuse. Tubbo covered his ears, trying to block them out but the action seemed to only make the shouts even louder. A sob ripped itself out of Tubbo's throat as he turned his back to the grave and rushed back into the house.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of the man screaming at Tubbo followed him the rest of the day and well into his dreams.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Routines</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tubbo meets some new people and doesnt make a great first impression</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warning for underage drinking and threats using a gun</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tubbo knew this was his punishment. Knew he had done something so irredeemable that God had to remind him that he was worth nothing in the grand scheme of things. He also knew that he was lucky that this was all his punishment had been, that it could've been so much worse.</p>
<p>God was being generous and Tubbo had no right to complain.</p>
<p>Work took up all of Tubbo's day now. He now had to not only make sure he completed all his tasks, but the man's as well. Granted, Tubbo didn't know <em>exactly</em> what the man did, but he was able to piece things together when the house's roof started to fall apart. Tubbo would spend all his days working to make sure the house stayed together that by the time the sun had set he would be lucky if he didn't have to work anymore. </p>
<p>If he was lucky he would have enough energy to make dinner.</p>
<p>Time blended together into an awful mess where the days felt too short and too long. Tubbo would find himself wishing the day would end and then be begging to have just a few more hours of the day.</p>
<p>It was the mornings that Tubbo found to be the hardest. He would wake with blurry vision and an aching body. His head would pound and he wanted nothing more than to close his eyes again and sleep. But as soon as that idea entered his mind, his stomach would twist with guilt and he would leave his room.</p>
<p>The morning was also when Tubbo would hear the man most.</p>
<p>________________</p>
<p>Tubbo sat at the kitchen table, head propped up by his hand while the other held a bottle of alcohol. He had been nursing the drink for the past few hours, the bitter poison being a poor excuse of a dinner. Tubbo lifted the bottle to his lips again, grimacing as the liquid burned the back of his throat.</p>
<p>He didn't drink much, just enough to make his insides feel fuzzy. He placed the bottle onto the table, letting out a shaky breath as he ran a hand through his hair.</p>
<p>His head was pounding and he wondered if he would be punished for falling asleep at the kitchen table. He probably wouldn't, but the idea still brought him a bit of twisted humor. He let out a weak laugh, shuddering a bit.</p>
<p>"Fuck..."</p>
<p>The house was silent, and Tubbo sometimes wondered if he had lost his hearing. The house no longer creaked and groaned. No wind whistled in the night. It was if the entire world came to a standstill and Tubbo was the only one living. Honestly, if Tubbo thought about it for too long, he wanted to cry. Because it forced him to realize that nothing had really changed.</p>
<p>Keeping that in mind, when he heard the sound of <em>footsteps</em> and <em>voices</em> filled his ears, the sound of deafening. He jumped to his feet, eyes rapidly moving around as he looked out the kitchen window. His eyes went wide as they locked onto two figures on the horizon. Getting closer and closer to the house.</p>
<p>Tubbo didn't waste anytime as he rushed out of the kitchen and into his room. He dropped to the ground, hands gripping onto a loose board and ripping it off of the floor to reveal his father's gun. It was a good hiding place, even Tubbo hadn't even known where to find it. The only reason he did was because of dumb luck, he had tripped over it when he was twelve, careful to never talk about it or even hint that he knew.</p>
<p>He grabbed the gun, making sure it was loaded before he went back to the kitchen. He took a deep breath, cocking the weapon before aiming it at the door. He didn't move, just focused on keeping his breathing steady and listening to the world.</p>
<p>For a few seconds, everything was silent, until someone was shouting and Tubbo got so startled he nearly fired into the front door.</p>
<p>"Hello? Abel? You still alive?"</p>
<p>Tubbo felt something in his chest snap, not thinking before kicking open the door and pointing the gun at two startled looking people. He locked eyes with the taller of the two, something akin to pride swelling in him when he saw the fear that he had created.</p>
<p>"Who the fuck is Abel?"</p>
<p>A heavy silence fell over everyone, as the man stepped forward, his hands raised above his head. Tubbo just narrowed his eyes at the strange motion, "Hello, we're sorry for startling you, but you- Well we're looking for someone, maybe you've seen him? Tall man, about forty-something? Not the uh- <em>nicest</em> person to make conversation with. Goes by Abel?"</p>
<p>Tubbo wanted to roll his eyes at the piss-poor description he had just been given. That was just about every person Tubbo had ever met in his life, "Yeah, haven't seen or talked to anyone named Abel."</p>
<p>That seemed to shock the two, though Tubbo couldn't understand why. No one spoke for another few seconds and Tubbo took the opportunity to get a good understanding of the people he was dealing with. The man with his arms up had a messy head of curls hidden unearth a red woolen hat. He had a pack on his back, one of the straps broken and unable to be used.</p>
<p>Tubbo's eyes narrowed. The man didn't seem to be armed, but he still towered over Tubbo and just by looking at him, Tubbo could see that he had more muscle mass than him. If they fought, Tubbo would be beat in minutes. He gave one last look over before moving his eyes to look at the other person, giving him a once over before settling on the fact that he could easily take him.</p>
<p>Sure, he was tall, probably taller than Tubbo, but he was unsure and his stance was weak. He had a tangled, rats nest of blonde hair and was tied in the back despite probably not falling past his chin. His mouth was covered with a makeshift mask and Tubbo had to bite his tongue to tell him that his mask would do nothing here. Tubbo could probably knock the kid onto the ground before he even blinked.</p>
<p>Tubbo tilted his head, turning his attention back to the first man, who looked ready to take another step. Tubbo felt fear pounding in his head and he didn't say anything as he shot at the man's shoe. It missed of course, but it still caused the man to yelp and the other to let out a string of curses. Tubbo didn't blink, just loaded another bullet and aimed the gun again.</p>
<p>"I want you to leave."</p>
<p>The man he had shot at still looked terrified but he composed himself in seconds, and Tubbo couldn't help but respect him just a bit, "Look, we really don't mean any harm. We just haven't heard anything from Abel for a while."</p>
<p>"I'm starting to think I know why." The blonde mumbled and Tubbo made sure to shoot him a glare.</p>
<p>"I told you, I don't know anyone named Abel."</p>
<p>The blonde scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, "Yeah, doesn't shock me. You probably shot him before he could even say anything."</p>
<p>Tubbo didn't like to be accused of things he didn't do, because no matter what he said, it would always end up with him being hurt.</p>
<p>"I didn't kill anyone."</p>
<p>The blonde let out a huff, about to say something else before the taller man raised a hand and shushed him. Tubbo's hands started to shake when he saw that no one was believing his words.</p>
<p>"I didn't! I swear! I haven't seen anyone. It's just been me..." Tubbo paused, swallowing hard before continuing to speak, "It's just been me and my father."</p>
<p>The pair didn't look convinced, and Tubbo could feel his heart start to beat harder. The man with his hands raised sighed, replacing the look of terror with what Tubbo could only call boredom. Tubbo resisted the urge to shoot him for real.</p>
<p>"Okay, well then can we speak to your dad?"</p>
<p>Tubbo frowned, struggling to hold the gun up in his confusion, "Why the fuck would you want to do that?"</p>
<p>"Maybe <em>he's</em> seen Abel."</p>
<p>Tubbo was getting frustrated. He didn't want to deal with this, he wanted these two gone. He clenched his jaw so hard he was worried would crack a tooth as he struggled to find the next words to speak.</p>
<p>"He won't be any help. I really think you need to keep moving, I hope- I hope you find uh- Abel."</p>
<p>Tubbo was genuine, but his words didn't show that. He was going to get called a liar again.</p>
<p>The taller man just sighed, frustration filling his eyes, "Look, we've been giving out supplies for the past month and payment is due. This is where Abel told us to come if we ever had any issues. And not being paid and having our supplies wasted is an issue in my book."</p>
<p>Tubbo's eyes went wide as if a flip in him had been switched in his mind. He slowly lowered the gun and swallowed hard, "What... What are you owed?"</p>
<p>There was an uneasy pause as the man's face twisted in a scowl, "I'm not about to make deals with a fourteen year old."</p>
<p>Tubbo didn't correct the man about his age, despite desperately wanting to, "I don't really think you have a choice... Come inside I uh- I'm sure you've been traveling for a long time. Must be hungry...." Tubbo's eyes were locked on the ground as he mumbled out his words. The gun had fallen to his side, just inches from dragging across the ground, "I'll give you what your owed and then you can be on your way."</p>
<p>No one moved towards the house, instead the man turned to the blonde and started whispering things. Tubbo didn't care enough to try and listen in. His mind was making a frantic apology to God. Telling Him that he was sorry for almost shooting two people he never met. Two people who had been the reason he had survived. It took everything in his power to stay standing and not fall to his knees.</p>
<p>"You need to drop the gun."</p>
<p>Tubbo looked up, locking eyes with the man. The order registered in his mind and he didn't argue before letting the weapon clatter onto the porch. He knew better than to fight back.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Just follow directions, Toby."</em>
</p>
<p>Tubbo stepped to the side, allowing the doorway of the house to be clear of any obstacle. He kept his head down, but he could hear the two people walking towards the house. The blonde picked up the gun from the ground, and Tubbo briefly wondered if he was going to be shot.</p>
<p>He knew he wasn't lucky enough for that though.</p>
<p>The two people just moved past Tubbo into the house, leaving him alone on the porch for a moment. His chest felt heavy as he turned to the open door. His head was pounding as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him and locking eyes with the pair at the table.</p>
<p>Conversation needed to be made.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Deals</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>conversation is made and deals are created</p>
<p>warnings: none</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you guys so much for the kind comments, they mean so much to me :) i honestly didn't expect to get such a good response to this story. you've all given me so much motivation to get new chapters out &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The pair had taken seats at the kitchen table, both staring at Tubbo. The blonde had removed his mask, setting it down in front of him. He gave Tubbo a smile that he didn't return, not wanting to let his guard down. Somewhere along the line, he had handed off the gun to the taller man, who was looking at Tubbo with a cold gaze. The gun leaned against his side, and Tubbo knew he wouldn't be able to get it back anytime soon. He swallowed hard as he started to fidget with his hands, struggling to find the right words to start this conversation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"So... Are you guys hungry?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The taller of the two began to shake his head, but the blonde was quick to interrupt, "Hell yeah! Haven't eaten in fucking days!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The taller of the two smacked him upside the head, "Shut it Toms, I've been feeding you!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Toms...</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Not very well!" The blonde- <em>Toms</em>, Tubbo's mind supplied- looked back at Tubbo, his eyes gleaming with playfulness, "He's been feeding me grass 'nd shit. Treating me like a fucking rabbit."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo felt uncomfortable being regarded with such friendliness so quick, but still moved further into the kitchen towards the icebox. He cracked it open, feeling the others staring at the back of his head. He scanned the items before grabbing a jar of stew. He closed the icebox, grabbing two bowls from the cabinets. He turned around back to the table, placing the things in his hands down onto the wood.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No one moved again and Tubbo's head spun.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I can heat it up for you, I'm sorry I didn't even consider-"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The taller man waved him off, grabbing the jar and started to pour it into a bowl, "It's fine, don't worry about it. Here, Tommy eat," He mumbled the last part, but Tubbo was still able to catch the proper name of the boy. He didn't pour any for himself, just looked up at Tubbo, "I really don't want to stay here any longer than needed."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo nodded, "I understand, I'm sorry. What are you owed?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I still don't know why I'm suddenly supposed to be doing business with you."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo wrapped his arms around his core, taking a deep breath and hoping he hadn't connected things wrong, "Abel, the man you're looking for is my dad. He died a few weeks ago... Any sort of business that you had with him, now carries over to me."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A heavy pause and Tubbo felt sick.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You said you didn't know anyone named Abel."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo nodded again, "I know I did-"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"So you lied to us."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo's eyes snapped up to the man, fear filling them as he felt his head start to spin. His chest felt too tight and his breathing started to come in short gasps, "No I swear- I didn't <em>know</em>- I'm sorry-"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His head started to fill with static and the kitchen started to fall away. A hand gripped his arm and his mind screamed at him to run away. But he didn't, he stayed as still as possible.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, calm down. Deep breath."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You're scaring him, Will!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I know that, Tommy!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo stared ahead at the wall, making sure to keep his head level. He remembered the time he had kept his head down as the man shouted at him. It resulted in a punch to the jaw and the reminder that he was an awful child who was <em>lucky</em> to still be here.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The grip on his arm stayed, burning his skin. The voices of the people had blended into the background, though Tubbo was very aware that <em>someone</em> was speaking to <em>him</em>. There was a pause, and Tubbo felt his stomach drop as he realized that whoever was speaking expected an answer now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm sorry."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was a terrible pause as the house fell into silence and Tubbo did everything he could to not allow himself to cry.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You don't need to be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo wondered if he was actually shaking or if that was just in his head. The man had said that before, granted not often, but Tubbo knew better than to trust those awful words.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, I need you to breath right now."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo could do that. He could follow directions.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Air filled his lungs and his head spun. The people were talking to each other again, but Tubbo couldn't understand the words. It was as if they were speaking a different language that Tubbo had learned once before but now had forgotten all translation. Hesitantly, he allowed his eyes to look away from the wall and up at the man who was still holding his arm. Slowly, thinking about the consequences of his action, he wrapped his fingers around the wrist around the hand and pulled it away from arm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He expected a fight, to have the hand's grip become harsh and bruising. But that didn't happen. Instead, it quickly pulled away, letting Tubbo's arm go and he stared at the skin for a few seconds. No angry red mark had been left behind, and Tubbo's brow furrowed. He knew he was being stared at, but he didn't think about that too hard. He was worried that he would forget to breath if he did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"What are you owed?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Wha- No wait, are you <em>okay</em>?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm fine. What are you owed?" Tubbo's tone was sharp, teetering on the line of him snapping at the two. It didn't matter if he felt like he was about to cry. Didn't matter if he felt like throwing up. Nothing involving Tubbo mattered. What <em>did</em> matter were these people and how he could help them, "What did my father do in exchange for supplies?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A sigh, and Tubbo glanced up to see the taller man shake his head in what looked like disappointment, "Christ... Normally he would do a job for us."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo's eyes narrowed, "What kind of jobs?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy was the one who spoke this time, interrupting the taller man- Will? Tubbo was pretty sure he had been called that- before he even had a chance to open his mouth, "He would build shit for us, or tell us information on the other people in the area."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"That's all he would do?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah...? Pretty much."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo frowned. He had a time believing that was all his father would do. Tommy's unconfident answer also futhered Tubbo's doubts. So, wanting answers, Tubbo looked up at Will, "What would he do?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"He would give us weapons and help us when we had to talk with other people."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That made more sense. The man liked to be in control. Offering weapons might be seen as good willed to some people, but to the man that just showed how much power he had. If he was able to give weapons up, then it showed everyone that he had them to spare. People coming to him so they could talk with others? The man would love that, it would not only give him control over one but <em>two</em> groups of people. Tubbo almost wanted to laugh at how even in death, he had control over people.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo rubbed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he got ready to run, "I can't do those things..." Tubbo looked up at Will with tired eyes and he wondered if Will could see that, "I'm sorry..."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Will smiled, but Tubbo could see how forced it was. That wasn't a real smile, that was a smile you gave when you hated what you were just told, "Would you believe me if I said that was fine?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo knew that it wasn't fine. Nothing in this world was ever fine.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"No. I wouldn't, because it's not fine," Tubbo watched Will carefully and saw the confusion that flashed in his eyes, "My father shouldn't have allowed himself to fall into debt. He should've told me about the supplies, but he didn't."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"He didn't tell you about the supplies?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo shrugged, "He didn't have any reason to," Tubbo wrapped his arms around himself weakly, trying to create a barrier, "But, like I said, I can't do the jobs he would've done. But I still want to pay the debt."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo almost smiled at the confused panic that flashed across both Will and Tommy's faces.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm a good hunter, I can grow food almost anywhere. I'm stronger than I look, I can offer protection. And while I'm not as persuasive as my father, I'm still good at making deals and getting the best options out of it."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Will raised an eyebrow, clearly taking in everything that Tubbo was telling him. His expression was calculating, and Tubbo once again had to give him silent praise for being able to get rid of the panic and confusion so quickly, "You can fight?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo nodded, "Yeah, even without a weapon. I've taken down men twice as strong as you before."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That wasn't a complete truth, but it wasn't a lie. Tubbo had killed them in moments of vulnerability where they had almost no chance of fighting back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"That's impressive."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo brushed the praise off, not wanting to dwell on how those words had made his stomach flip and his head spin, "I'll be repaying this debt until I breathe my last breath," Sure, that was a bit dramatic. But people liked the dramatic, made them feel important when they made dramatic choices, "Do we have a deal?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo's eyes flickered over to Tommy, who had taken a step back and was staring at the ground. Tommy clearly didn’t have a say in this, but from what Tubbo could see, he didn’t look too happy about what was being discussed. He looked angry, but the longer Tubbo looked at him, he found that it was just poorly disguised fear. It wasn’t Tubbo’s problem if Tommy was afraid, even if he wanted to know <em>why</em> he was afraid. He looked back up at Will, who looked back with a curious expression that hid his true feelings.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo was finding it more and more difficult to get a read on this guy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"What's your name? I'm not in the habit of making deals with people when I don't even know their names."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo raised an eyebrow, as a sort of challenge, "I need your names first."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"That's gonna cost you another two favors."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo bit his tongue until it bled, the taste of iron filling his mouth. Tubbo couldn't understand the tone of the statement, and even though it probably was meant as a joke Tubbo couldn't risk making assumptions. His ears immediately caught on the fact that 'jobs' had been replaced with 'favors'. It was such a small, probably insignificant thing, but it made Tubbo want to run and hide.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo, despite his ever going unease and panic, nodded, "Fine. I can do that."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Alright, I'm Wilbur and this is Tommy," Wilbur stuck his hand out towards Tubbo, who filed away the names right away. He refused to allow himself to forget them, "And who are we doing business with?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo froze, realizing for a horrifying second that he had to make a choice now. He could say his name, his <em>real</em> name. The name that the man and everyone who had talked to him had used. The name that he connected with pain and everything awful. The more he thought about it, the more he grew to hate the name. So, as he stared up at Wilbur, with his hand outstretched as a form of alliance, he made his choice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That name died when the man died.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tubbo took Wilbur's hand with his own, giving it a shake as he stared up at him with wary eyes, "Tubbo. Hope I can be of use."</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Late</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tubbo cant sleep, turns out hes not the only one</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warning for underage drinking and a small mention of vomit</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Tubbo was awake in a sleeping house.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite Wilbur's stance that they should leave tonight, Tubbo had convinced him that spending the night would be better. The desert was unforgiving during the night, and Tubbo had no doubts that they would die before the moon rose. Plus, traveling well rested was always better. So now, nearly two hours after they first spoke, Wilbur and Tommy found themselves sleeping in what used to be the man's room, and Tubbo in his own trying to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was staring up at the ceiling, his eyes tired and heavy. His body was aching, but his mind was restless, preventing him from slipping away into sleep. Part of him knew that sleeping when there were two strangers in his house was dangerous. One of them could come into his room, slit his throat and leave him to bleed out. Being attacked wasn't even the most dangerous part of that scenario.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The most dangerous part was that Tubbo would let them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed as he sat up, harshly rubbing his eyes. Slowly, with a spinning head and an airy chest, he rose to his feet and moved to leave his room. He gripped the handle of his door, taking a deep breath to try and calm his nerves. He didn't like how he felt like he was intruding, it was <em><span class="u">his</span></em> home for God's sake. He could leave his room if he wanted to, there wasn't anything to be afraid of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo pushed open the door, cringing when it squeaked on its hinges. He didn't bother with closing it, knowing it would just make more unwanted noise. He moved to the kitchen, avoiding all the floorboards that he knew would creak and groan. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, a poor attempt to shake the fog in his mind. He rounded the corner to the kitchen, eyes going wide and body stiff as he faced the scene in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur was sat at the table, a notebook in front of him and Tubbo's gun still at his side. He looked up at Tubbo with cold eyes that made him feel incredibly small. Silence ticked by and Tubbo's mind was a mess of commands. Shouting to run, attack or beg for forgiveness. He didn't do anything that his mind told him, finding the overflow of directions making him unable to focus.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Trying to run away?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo frowned at Wilbur's words and the tone of aggression hidden under them, "I'm sorry?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Running away. Trying to get out all this."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm not like that. I keep my word. I just couldn't sleep."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur raised an eyebrow, a faint smile on his lips as if what Tubbo was saying was just ridiculous, "Really?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Really. Why are you up? Looking for a reason to shoot me?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur's smile faltered as he looked from Tubbo down to the gun at his side before back up at Tubbo, "No, believe or not I'm not in the habit of just shooting at people," Tubbo knew that was a jab at him, but it didn't hold much malice or aggression, "Frankly not even sure I could shoot a gun anymore."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Questions flooded Tubbo's mind, making it ache and hum with pain. It was too much to process for him. Too many things being screamed at him that he couldn't escape. In desperation, he clung to the only question he could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do you want a drink?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur blinked before frowning and Tubbo worried that he had crossed a line, "Sure. Might help me fall asleep."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo hummed and moved further into the kitchen. He knew turning his back on someone with a loaded gun wasn't smart, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He crouched down and threw open one of the cabinets, revealing all the bottles of alcohol that had gathered over the years. He grabbed the first one he saw, not caring <em>what</em> it actually was. He turned back to Wilbur, who stared at him with bewilderment. Tubbo slid the bottle across the table and Wilbur caught it before it fell to the ground.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"There you go."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Wh- How do you have all this?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Came in the supply boxes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur's eyebrows furrowed, and he shook his head, "No it didn't..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo felt like throwing up, "I'm not lying. I saw the crates and what was in them. Alcohol was a major item. We just stored it, never had a use for it."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur looked ready to say more but he just sighed and opened the bottle instead, "My memory might just be bad. I've probably forgotten what we put in them," He took a sip of the liquor as Tubbo took a seat at the table across from Wilbur.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo bounced his leg for a few seconds before words were forcefully clawing their way out of his mouth, "What were you writing?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur finished drinking and placed the bottle to the side as he glanced down at his book, "Making a map. Don't want to lose our way."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How long have you been traveling?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"About three weeks. The trip back will be shorter don't worry, we just had a few detours."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Back where?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"To our camp."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're taking me to your camp?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Jesus, you ask a lot of questions."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo froze at Wilbur's words. He should've just kept his mouth shut. Should've just been good. Shouldn't have gotten comfortable. Wilbur wasn't his friend, he didn't care about Tubbo. He had no reason to. Tubbo didn't deserve to feel any sort of comfort or kindness from Wilbur. He couldn't even follow simple directions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't be? It keeps me on my toes. Tommy never asks questions, just talks a lot and doesn't actually say anything. But yes, you're gonna come to our camp. Where else would we have taken you?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo shrugged, mind still giving him silent punishment, "I don't know, just kinda figured once we were out of the desert I wouldn't be around anymore."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why wouldn't you be around anymore?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Because I won't have a point.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Just what I thought."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur hummed, glancing over at the room where Tubbo assumed Tommy was still sleeping, "How old are you Tubbo?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's heart dropped into his stomach. It was still beating in a sickening way and his entire body started to shake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How old do you want me to be?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur's head snapped to look at him so quickly it made Tubbo flinch, "What's that supposed to mean?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I don't know, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't apologize. Don't panic. I'm sorry I scared you. Take a minute."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo followed directions. Making sure that air was flowing in and out of his lungs. Made sure that his heart stopped racing and his body no longer shook. He couldn't look at Wilbur, afraid that he would be sent spiraling again, so his eyes locked onto the wood of the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm seventeen."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's words were slurred and he hoped that Wilbur wouldn't mind. He probably would and Tubbo got ready to claw and fight if Wilbur even came a <em>step</em> towards him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tommy's not gonna be happy you're older than him," Wilbur's voice was soft, and it twisted Tubbo's chest in a terrible way, "I reckon we'll hear him pissing about it the entire day tomorrow."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo dared to look up at Wilbur who looked back with a soft smile. He looked back at the table after a few seconds. He didn't like how comfortable he was feeling. He didn't have any right for that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kitchen fell back into silence, or at least no one was talking anymore. Tubbo was picking at the skin around his nails and Wilbur drummed his fingers on the table. Tubbo wondered if it would be rude if he asked if he could go back to his room. He wouldn't sleep, but he wouldn't be forced to engage in conversation anymore. Tubbo didn't, but he severely wished he did when Wilbur broke the silence again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tubbo, I need to have one of the favors paid."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's eyes shot up to Wilbur, who was looking down at his hands, "Wh- What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I have three of them. I'm cashing one in right now."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur looked up at Tubbo, his eyes filling with something that Tubbo could only figure was sadness. And though that didn't make much sense, Tubbo wasn't too worried about trying to figure out Wilbur's exact emotions right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo felt like he was suffocating, "What's the favor...?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I need you to keep Tommy safe," Wilbur sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. Tubbo took note of the fact that his other hand was shaking, "I don't think I'm going to be around forever. I want to make sure he's around longer than I am."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo continued to look at Wilbur's shaking hand as things clicked into place, "You want me to act as a... bodyguard?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sounds stupid when you put it like that, but yes."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why don't you trust Tommy to keep himself safe?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur shook his head as he let out a weak laugh, "I do trust him, I know he can very easily survive. But he doesn't think before he acts, doesn't think about things in the big picture. I need someone who can keep him grounded."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And you think <em>I</em> can do that?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I do."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo frowned, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, "I can do that."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Really?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah... I promise I'll do everything I can to keep Tommy safe."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur smiled as he stood up from his seat, shaking hand wrapping around the neck of the liquor bottle, "Thank you, Tubbo. I'm gonna be honest, you have a knack for business. I'm quite impressed."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo shifted in his seat, not liking the attention that Wilbur was offering, "Thanks... My dad taught me how to make deals."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur's eyes softened at the mention of the man, "He would be proud of you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please don't say that. Please don't say that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That means a lot." Tubbo barely choked out his words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm gonna head to bed, Tubbo. I would suggest you do the same, I want to get as close to camp as possible and I don't want you passing out."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo nodded, "I understand."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Good."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo watched as Wilbur turned and left the kitchen. He pushed open the door to the man's room and disappeared from sight. Tubbo stayed put for a few more seconds before he was in motion. His mind wasn't in charge of his feet as they led him to the cabinet. He grabbed a bottle of his own before leaving the kitchen. He entered his own room, closing the door and making it sure it was locked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo sat down on his bed, leg bouncing as his eyes moved all over the room. His mind was racing, screaming at him to do the correct thing. His hand opened the bottle, the cap dropping to the ground and rolling under his bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo muttered a silent prayer under his breath as he lifted the bottle to his lips. He wasn't sure if his prayer would even count, but he could only hope that God felt a little pity. He knew he would pay for it in the morning, when he would wake up in a pool of vomit and a pounding headache. But he couldn't at this moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right now, he just wanted to sleep.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you all once again for the kind words on the last chapter! it really makes my day. im sorry about the slow start, things will start to pick up next chapter :)</p><p>also, i have a <a href="https://twitter.com/lunvirn">twitter</a> now! if youre interested, im planing on talking about small details about the world or the characters there, as well as my ramblings about the smp in general. if you wanna chat my dms are open there :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Leave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tubbo finally leaves the house</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warnings: small mention of vomit, implied underage drinking and a brief mention of abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Tubbo woke up in a panic to the sound of aggressive pounding on his bedroom door. He was on the ground, laying in a disgusting mixture of spilled liquor and vomit. He shot to his feet as the pounding continued, making his chest constrict and hands shake. He was breathing at a rapid pace, but no air seemed to be able to get into his lungs. He backed away further into his room, eyes moving like an animal's as he tried to find an escape or a place to hide.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Deep down he knew he wouldn't find anything. He was trapped. He was trapped and he was going to get hurt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tubbo! Fucking 'ell man, wake up!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo froze at Tommy's shouting, eyes snapping to the door as he held his breath. He needed to say something. But when he tried to find the words none came to him. Instead he could only choke out a whimper. With more effort than he wanted to admit, he stumbled forward to the door. The knocking on the door was still going and Tubbo felt his eyes watering as the sound continued to fill the air. Shakily, he reached his hand out and gently knocked on the door. It was pathetic, but it was the most he could do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just hoped that Tommy got the hint.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence took the place of the knocking and Tubbo finally allowed himself to breathe. The next sounds he heard almost made him start sobbing. Two small, barely audible knocks. Tubbo blinked, frozen in place as tears slipped past his eyes and rolled down his face. The faint sound of footsteps moving away from his door caused more tears to escape.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy had got the hint.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next moments were a blur of teary eyes and a pounding headache. Tubbo calmed himself down enough where he was no longer crying. He went around his room to collect his things, avoiding the mess on the ground and the glass of the bottle that had somehow broken in the middle of the night. He grabbed the bag he had hidden under his bed, taking some solace in the fact that everything he owned was already packed away inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was pitiful. Seventeen years all able to be packed in a shitty bag that the man had given to him when birthdays were still worth celebrating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Time passed far quicker than Tubbo would've liked, but once he got the bag he found himself unable to leave the room. He frowned, looking around the room as he desperately tried to feel something. He wanted so badly to feel anger, or sadness, he would even take feeling guilt, but he felt <em>nothing</em>. Absolutely nothing. He was leaving his home. The place he had grown and lived in. He wasn't ever coming back and he couldn't understand why he wasn't feeling anything about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo sighed as he walked to the door. His hand gripped the door knob, knuckles going white as he scrunched his eyes shut and quietly muttered under his breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"O Lord, please watch over this house in my time of leave. Watch over my father's bed and allow him to rest. Please allow me to return home when my time is up," Tubbo's eyes slowly fluttered open as he took a deep breath, "Amen."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo pulled the door open and stepped out of his room. Wilbur and Tommy were standing in the kitchen, Tommy talking about a mile a minute while Wilbur nodded along. The cabinets in the room had been thrown open, and Tubbo could very clearly see that any sort of food or supplies had been taken from them. Something twisted in Tubbo's chest at the sight but he didn't understand why so it was quickly pushed aside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur looked over at him, and Tubbo shrunk under the stare. Wilbur's eyes narrowed and Tubbo was ready to get yelled at, "Come on, let's get moving. We need to beat the heat of the day."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo nodded as he swallowed thickly, trying to ignore how much pain his head was in, "I'm sorry to keep you waiting."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's fine. I understand it's hard to leave home."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn't have a response, because despite Wilbur saying it was fine, he knew that he was in trouble. His head was spinning with stress and fought back the urge to cry. Wilbur turned away from him, threw open the front door and he left the house. Tommy didn't follow immediately, instead smiled brightly at Tubbo who knew it was fake before rushing out the door himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo was left alone inside the house, and as he walked his footsteps echoed and bounced against the wooden walls. He stepped out on to the porch, eyes moving to the horizon to look at the pink that was growing in the sky. The sun would be rising soon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur was already a far distance from the house and he showed no signs of slowing down. Tommy was just a few steps away from Tubbo, hands in his pockets as he stood in place. Tubbo frowned, trying to figure why he wasn't walking with Wilbur. Tubbo's gun was strapped to his back, alongside a backpack similar to Tubbo's. He continued to stare at Tommy until he turned around, and Tubbo quickly looked away, slightly embarrassed about being caught staring.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You ready?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo scowled, glancing over at Tommy with as little emotion as possible, "What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy just smiled, "Are you ready to leave this shithole?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Tubbo had called his home a 'shithole' when the man was alive, he would've gotten a hand of broken fingers. But now, he couldn't stop himself from laughing. It wasn't a big laugh, could've been passed off as a gasp if Tubbo wanted to. But deep down, he knew that he wouldn't.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It felt nice to laugh, even if it was small.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah... I guess I am."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy beamed, "Oh good, because Wilbur <em>will</em> leave us behind if we don't start walking now."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo watched as Tommy started walking as something heavy filled his stomach. It was hard to breathe but he could deal with that. Tears pricked at his eyes as he gripped the door handle. Not allowing himself to back down, he slammed the door shut and rushed after Tommy and Wilbur.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the first time he left the house and didn't feel the need to look back.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>quick chapter, i know it wasnt the most exciting but i hope you still had some enjoyment :) the next chapter will be more "exciting" and will be out in the next few days!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Thirst</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tubbo isnt doing great in terms of traveling</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warnings: fainting, forcing someone to drink and holding someone's neck and head back</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Tubbo wasn't sure when he started to count, but once he started he couldn't stop. Each step he took, a bird flying in the sky, the number of times Tommy turned to make sure he was still following, all of those were counted. Though, the exact number of times all that happened was unknown to Tubbo. Once he got to ten his mind would restart the counter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The habit had been something he had for years, a weak way of trying to distract himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And distracting himself was what he needed right now. The sun was now further in the sky, casting harsh rays across the desert. Tubbo's skin burned and itched under it's contact, making him deeply wish he hadn't worn a long sleeve shirt. Sweat rolled down the back of his neck, making him even more miserable. The other two weren't fairing much better. Wilbur's pace had slowed down significantly, and he had been drinking from his canteen nearly every second. Tommy was complaining, moving sluggishly as his hair stuck to his forehead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo knew he should feel bad, since he had held everyone and they could've left earlier if it hadn't been for his stupid freakout. But he knew better than that. Even if they had left in the middle of the night, they would've been walking with the sun. The desert would always have them coated in sun whether they wanted it or not.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That's just how this world worked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo watched the ground as he walked, kicking a rock as he went along. The ground was hard, covered in a layer of dust and dirt. A dead shrub was broken underneath his shoe, the sound of branches crunching filled the air. His feet had started to ache, legs starting to ache. The bright sunlight wasn't helping his headache and his throat was dry and scratchy. He let out a quick cough, trying to clear his throat and just allow his throat to feel a bit smoother.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Need some water?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo looked up at Tommy who had slowed his pace to match Tubbo's. His hand held a canteen similar to Wilbur's that he outstretched towards Tubbo. Tubbo blinked, before shaking his head and looking back at the ground.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, 'm fine."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy laughed and Tubbo stepped a bit away from him, "You're kidding."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's eyes narrowed as his hands gripped the straps of his backpack so tightly that his knuckles turned white, "Not kidding..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We've been walking forever and it's hot as shit, you should drink something."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy once again held the canteen towards Tubbo, who just avoided it and moved even further away, "You should save it. We won't be able to refill it for a while. Shouldn't waste it."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Waste it- What are you <em>talking</em> about? You're thirsty, you need to drink something."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tommy, I'm fine."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Bullshit, just drink the fucking water-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tommy, stop it," Tubbo flinched at Wilbur's voice, looking up at the man who had stopped to look at the two boys. He had taken his hat off a while ago, probably trying to cool himself off. But it didn't seem to be working as his curls still stuck to his forehead with a layer of sweat. He looked miserable, and he just looked at Tommy with hazy eyes, "You can't force him to drink if he doesn't want to."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo glanced over at Tommy, whose face was twisting with hurt, "But Wilbur, he can't just-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's like that saying Phil taught you, the one about the horse."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're so fucking dumb."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know, just put the canteen away. Tubbo will let you know if he needs water," Wilbur glanced over at Tubbo, shooting him a look that seemed to ask 'you will won't you'? Tubbo didn't have an answer so he just looked down at his feet, "Come on, let's keep moving. We're almost at a place where we can rest."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur turned away and started to walk again, a hand pushing his hair out of his face. Tommy mumbled something under his breath as he shoved the canteen into his bag. He walked after Wilbur, shoulders tense and angry. Tubbo stumbled after them, guilt clawing in his stomach and threatening to spill out. Tubbo kept it down as he crossed his arms over his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Good job."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man's words echoed in Tubbo's head. The small praise made Tubbo's head spin and he felt dizzy as a smile spread across his face. He continued to walk with more determination, able to better ignore the growing pain of dehydration.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>________________</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hours passed. Though, Tubbo was pretty sure the majority of time passing he hadn't been present. He found himself going in and out of consciousness. One second he was struggling to keep himself composed and breathing, then the next second he was talking to Tommy or Wilbur. It was disortanting and left him confused, but everytime he tried to stop it he found that he had already missed several minutes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a miracle that he stayed on his feet for as long as he did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's vision went blurry as his eyes rolled back and he stumbled over his feet. The world tilted and spun, and Tubbo found himself having a hard time understanding what was up and what was down. A feeling of weightlessness washed over him for a joyous moment before he was crashing down against the ground. A rock dug into the skin of his cheek, making him whimper. His face was pressed into the dirt, making dust fill his lungs every time he took a breath. It was an awful feeling. Dryness coating his insides only to become slick and clog up airways, forcing him to let out strained coughs just so he could get a bit of air.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the depths of his mind, a memory came to the forefront. Rough, calloused hands gripped the back of his neck. His face was pushed down into the desert earth, forcing him to take in mouthfuls of the dust. He tried to push up off the ground, try and escape from the grasps but was just held down with even more force. Tears pooled around him and made the dirt stick to his face, but he knew better than to shout. Eventually the hands would leave and he would be able to lift his head. For now, he just had to pray that the earth didn't swallow him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hands, not rough ones Tubbo's mind supplied, grabbed his shoulders, not his neck. His head rolled side to side as he was lifted up to his knees, eyes unable to open. Someone was shouting curses as someone else told them to shut up so harshly that it made Tubbo flinched unintentionally. The shouting quickly stopped and was replaced with rushed apologies. Tubbo wanted to remove the hands from his shoulders, wanted to fall back to the dirt and away from God's eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Will is he- I'm sorry-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He's fine Tommy, just take some deep breaths."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I didn't-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo felt his body drop back to the ground as the hands left his shoulders. He landed on his chest, hitting his cheek on the same rock again. The ground below him spun, which made trying to get up now practically impossible. Dust continued to fill his lungs and he smiled as he felt himself start to sink down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"<em>Breathe</em> Toms. Take a second, okay?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can't-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's okay. You're okay. I'm sorry for yelling at you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You <em>should</em> be, fucking prick."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's fair. You're okay, he's not here."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I <em>know</em> that!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know you do, I'm just saying things out loud. Get camp set up?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was no response, not that Tubbo was complaining. He didn't want to hear an argument between voices he could barely recognize. He figured he had been left alone to bury himself. That wasn't the truth he soon found out, as the hands from before returned and pulled him up again. He groaned, trying to get out of the grasp and fall back down. The hands just tightened their grip and held him still. The world was still spinning, though it was much more intense now that he was sitting up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One of the hands let go of his shoulder, cold fingers digging into the skin of his face. His head was tilted back as his jaw was pulled down and before his mind could fully catch up with everything, cold liquid was being poured down his throat. His eyes shot open as the liquid cleansed his throat, getting rid of the dust and muck. Coughs that he managed to keep down tore at his throat as he tried to lift his head and spit the water out, but the hands that held his face kept him in place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo couldn't see much, his gaze unwilling locked to the sky. Another stream of water was poured down his throat as another hand pushed his hair out of his eyes. He wanted to scream at the person to let him go. To stop wasting their water on him. To let him go and stop touching him. But the only sound he could make was a gurgle followed by multiple unstoppable coughs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's okay. Just drink the water, we're at a place we can stop. You've walked a long time."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo struggled to sit up again, he didn't like this. Didn't like how the man was talking so softly. Didn't like how he couldn't see the man or what he was doing. Didn't like how the man was holding him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo thought about the possibility of clawing at the man's eyes. He wondered if he would be able to blind him, or maybe even dig into the sockets and pull them out. He didn't do it, he knew he was too weak to even raise his arms above his shoulders. Part of him wondered if even thinking about attacking the man was just as bad as actually doing it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly, the hands tilted Tubbo's head forward once he stopped coughing, allowing him to finally breathe properly. Tubbo sucked in a breath as he looked up at Wilbur, not the man his mind said, with tearful eyes. Watery snot ran out of his nose, making him think back to the time he had gotten his first nosebleed. Wilbur just gave him a pitiful look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's mind was filled with a guilt so quickly that he felt more tears forming in his eyes. He was blurting out words before he could stop himself, "I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur sighed and Tubbo's heart pounded when he heard how upset the older man sounded, "Can you walk?" Tubbo nodded and Wilbur stood up, pulling Tubbo up along with him. Wilbur's hands stayed on Tubbo's shoulders, and Tubbo knew better than to try and remove them, "Are you dizzy?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dizzy couldn't even begin to describe it. Tubbo felt like if he took a step he would fall off the planet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No... I'm not."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn't look at Wilbur, but he knew he was glaring at him, "Okay well, rest will do you good."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I can keep walking. I'm sorry I fell."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We've walked far enough. The sun is setting anyway."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo frowned, looking up at the once blue sky to see that it was in fact growing dark. His eyes drifted to the horizon, where the last few rays of light turned the sky purples and pinks. He stared at it for as long as he could, and Wilbur let him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was when he was looking at the sunset that he realized what the area he was in was like. He wasn't in the desert anymore, instead he was only a few feet away from a thick forest. It was like a wall, trees so close together that they didn't allow the light to pass through and just cast the ground into dark shadows. Traveling through the wood would be difficult during the day, traveling during the night would be idiotic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the edge of the wood, Tubbo could see Tommy setting up a tent and lighting a fire. The camp had been put up a bit in the forest, allowing the trees to offer even more shelter. Even from a distance, Tubbo could clearly see Tommy's eyes were red and puffy. Wilbur started to walk towards the campsite, making Tubbo move as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy looked up from lighting the fire, giving the two a weak smile before continuing his work. Wilbur led Tubbo to a spot where he could sit down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I don't know what we're gonna eat if I can't get the fire going Will."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He felt weird, like he was floating just a bit off the ground<em>.</em> Everything felt off, felt wrong and he didn't know what do to fix it. He just hugged his knees closer to his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Worse comes to worse, we eat it cold."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo watched Tommy roll his eyes as he continued to struggle with the fire, "Might as well just have dog food then."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What? That's not the same at all. Just light the fire."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You light the fire!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy threw the flint and steel onto the ground, crossing his arms and glaring daggers at Wilbur. Tubbo uncurled his arms as the two kept arguing. Slowly, he crept forward, grabbing the flint and steel. He glanced up at Tommy, who was completely unaware of Tubbo. He looked back down at the pit, frowning when he saw that sticks and woods were just thrown together, not allowing the fire to get any air. He moved around a few of the sticks, making it actually able to be lit. His hands were covered in soot as he gripped the flint and steel, striking it a few times before a small flame started to eat away at the wood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Holy shit- You did it!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo looked up at Tommy, who beamed at him. Tubbo shrugged before shuffling back, taking his seat again. The praise was unnecessary and undeserved, it made Tubbo's skin crawl while filling his chest with a fluttery feeling. A truly awful mixture. Tommy kept feeding the fire, making the flame grow bigger and brighter. Wilbur was sitting across from Tubbo, writing something down in his notebook before putting it away and grabbing three cans of food out of his bag. He pulled a knife out his pocket, using it to cut them open. He handed them over to Tommy, who placed them along the sides of the fire to warm them. Once they were placed, Tommy took his own seat beside Wilbur.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Food will be ready in a bit, okay?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur was talking to Tubbo directly and probably expected an answer in the form of words. Tubbo could only nod, unable to trust himself with words. He was worried they would come out mashed and slurred together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How far did we walk?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That question wasn't directed at Tubbo, making him able to take a hold of his legs and rest his chin on his knee. He closed his eyes, holding his breath in his chest until his lungs started to burn. He just didn't have the energy to do all the motions of properly breathing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Pretty fucking far. I would guess like twenty miles? We're making good time if that's what you're asking."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo heard Tommy hum as he slowly opened his eyes and they began to wander deep into the darkness between the trees.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You reckon we'll be home in a day or two?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I would say that's a good estimate."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo lifted his head as his eyes fell on a spot between two large trees. The trunks of both of them so wide he knew he wouldn't be able to wrap his arms around them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Are you still making the map? When can I see it?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"When it's <em>done</em> child."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's heart started to race. There was something moving in the darkness. Something big, something <em>fast</em>. And it was getting closer to the camp.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm not a fucking child."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo shot to his feet, his head spinning and threatening to send him falling back to the ground. Ignoring the words filled with confusion that were being directed at him, just kept his eyes forward. The creature stumbled out of the trees, it's body twisting and deformed. It's eyes were wild and crazed as they scanned the group. A terrible screech left it as it started to crawl quickly towards them, it's body posed to attack.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur had gotten to his own feet, yanking Tommy up and away from it. Tubbo didn't move, just watched as it got closer. He wished he had his gun, but it wasn't around and he didn't have time to look for it. He didn't have a lot of time for anything in fact, but he had a promise to keep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Fuck- Creeper!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn't have time to think about the words that left Tommy's mouth before he was throwing himself at the creature and tackling it to the ground.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>god im so sorry this took so long to get out, didnt have access to upload anything for a while. this one is a bit longer than usual to make up for that. hope you enjoy :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Attack</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tubbo fights and no one knows how to properly deal with the aftermath</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warnings: gore (especially in regards to eyes), panic attack, depersonalization and slight abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Tubbo only had the upper hand for a few seconds. The creature clearly hadn't expected his sudden attack, but it quickly got its bearings and Tubbo found himself being slammed against the ground. All the air left his lungs with a gasp and tears prick at the sides of his eyes. He couldn't breath and he knew he was panicking. He couldn't panic, but it was hard when he was pinned on the ground. If he was pinned he was going to get hurt. Being pinned meant being trapped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had been trapped by too many creatures before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The creature's claws dug into his chest, easily tearing away at his shirt and chest. Warm liquid started to flow down his sides and Tubbo bit back a scream as the creature's grip only deepened. It's eyes locked onto Tubbo as it's jaw unhinged and it moved to bite him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without much thinking, Tubbo lifted his arm up and the creature's jaw clamped down around it. The teeth tore at him, and Tubbo couldn't stop the scream that ripped out of his throat when the jaws took hold of his arm completely. Tubbo couldn't think rationally, could only focus on the pain shooting through his body and how fast he could kill the creature.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wished he had his gun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not allowing himself a second thought, he shot his hand out to the creature's face and started to rip at its eyes. His fingers curled into the eye sockets, blood spilling out and running down his hand. The creature screeched as it let Tubbo's arm go, allowing the boy to dig his albeit weaker arm into the other eye. The creature was struggling and thrashing, trying to shake Tubbo off so it could go back to attacking him. But Tubbo refused to allow that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Filling his lungs with dirty and hot air, Tubbo shot himself up. He removed one hand from the creature's eyes so he could grip the side of its head. Tubbo saw red as a sudden surge of strength flowed through him and he forcefully snapped the creature's neck to the right. The creature let out a strangled cry as it's body went limp and Tubbo was able to shove it onto the ground and off of himself. He hurriedly got to his feet, staring at the withering creature with a pounding heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Kill it. It's not dead Toby. You need to finish the job."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo couldn't argue with the man.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The world was twisting in his eyes. Colors blending together in a sickening way that made Tubbo's head hurt. The creature looked up at him, and as Tubbo stared down at it as its face started to melt. The skin clinging to its skull before falling down in a puddle on the ground. Its mouth twisted up in a cruel, taunting smile. Tubbo hated it, absolutely hated it. Tubbo needed to breathe, needed to get away from this awful thing. The world started to close in on him, boxing him into a small space where he couldn't breathe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo felt tears falling down his face as he lifted his foot up and had it come crashing down against the creature's head. Stomping it into a paste of red and pink. Bones snapped under the pressure so loudly that Tubbo wanted to cover his ears. He needed this to be done, he couldn't stop now. He didn't want to stop until the creature's head was completely unrecognizable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was breathing hard as the world started to pull away and all the bright, sickening colors dulled. His chest was aching with pain that was getting more and more intense. He couldn't even feel his arm. His head spun and his body threatened to collapse, but he managed to stay on his feet. He wasn't allowed to rest right now, God had His eyes on Tubbo and he couldn't hide.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to be good.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tubbo?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's head snapped towards the camp, locking eyes with a terrified looking Wilbur. Tommy was further back, eyes wide with horror and looking ready to run. Tubbo didn't realize he was starting at him until Wilbur was stepping into his vision and blocking Tommy from him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What...?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo wasn't speaking. That wasn't his voice. His voice wasn't so broken or quiet. He didn't sound like that. Whoever was speaking was a stranger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Can I uh- Can I help you clean up?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo frowned, he didn't like that, didn't like what the hidden meaning behind it. Didn't like how it made him sound helpless. But he was tired and he knew he wouldn't be able to put up a fight. He might as well just agree and save the little energy he had. Slowly, he weakly nodded, though he made no attempt to move. He just stayed still, almost as if his feet had taken root in the ground below.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A cold hand touched his shoulder, making him go rigid. His breath hitched in his throat as he was gently pulled forward. He stumbled a bit, but the hands pulling him forward kept him steady. He felt weightless as he was moved towards the fire and the thought of floating away crossed his mind. The world shot up towards the sky as the hand pulling him pushed him down. It wasn't a rough action, but it still made Tubbo's stomach drop as he sat down against a tree in front of the fire.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He watched the flame dance and relished in the warmth it gave off. He leaned back against the trunk of the tree, eyes closing as the feeling of floating only grew stronger. He wondered if he could sleep now, wondered if sleeping would help with the pain that was making him tired and want to cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tubbo?" Wilbur's voice filled the air, but it was echoed and scratchy. It didn't sound normal, didn't sound like Wilbur. This wasn't Wilbur. Wilbur left him alone with someone else who knew his name and probably wanted something, "Can I clean your arm? I won't touch you if you don't want me to, but we need to clean that."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's shoulders shook as a sob left him. He was pathetic. Crying and shuddering breaths, unable to look at the stranger, only able to curl in on himself and make himself small. Why was he always left alone? Why did people always leave him with strangers? His hands moved to his hair, taking fistfulls of it and pulling harshly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"He- Hey! Tubbo, I need you to stop that-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo sobbed again, as he started to push up against the trunk. He wanted to get away from the stranger, didn’t want them to even look at him. But he was cornered, he had no way to escape even if he had the strength to do so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I won't do it again!" Tubbo wondered if he was screaming, his throat was raw and burned like he was. But he couldn't hear himself, all sound being blocked out by an ever growing static. He pulled at his hair again, praying that the action would stop him from floating away. It didn't and he just sobbed more, "I'm really sorry! I'm so-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something hit his face, causing him to freeze as a hot, stinging pain shot across his skin. He slowly lifted a hand up to his cheek, gently touching the inflamed skin. Tears were still flowing down his face, but he was silent. He had to be silent now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What the fuck is wrong with you!?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I didn't know what else to do! He wasn't listening to me!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So you fucking <em>hit</em> him?!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo could barely hear the voices, they were so far away. They kept screaming at each other as Tubbo just stayed as still as possible. He was floating away even faster, though now the feeling was paired with the same panic that drowning would give him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You deserve much worse than that."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Any energy he had left was taken away from him, forcing him into the back of his mind. His body went limp as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. He rose above his skin and ascended towards the sky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>God was calling his name and he had no right to ignore Him.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this one was a bit harder to write but i hope you still enjoy ! i love reading your comments and seeing what you think !</p><p>also, im working on a schedule and its been working so far. ill be trying to get chapters out every wednesday (im working to get two updates a week but thats gonna take some more time to get set up). this is not set in stone but i think itll help to have some consistency :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Awake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tubbo has a chat with someone before coming back</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warnings: mentions of abuse, vomit, and being restrained</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The floor was cold beneath Tubbo. His legs were crossed, knees touching the ground as he stared up at the television in front of him. He couldn't remember how long he had been staring at it, but it was just static now, illuminating him with a soft grey glow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room around him was dark, but he could make out the silhouettes of furniture like couches and chairs. Near the back of the room was an archway, and Tubbo could hear the faint sound of shouting. His hands began to shake and he begged for them to stop. The shouting was getting closer, but Tubbo wasn't able to understand any of the words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was just angry noise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then it was gone, and Tubbo was alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm so sorry honey," A hand threaded through the back of his hair. The touch was gentle and Tubbo leaned into it, "I wish you didn't hear that..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I didn't hear anything."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>An airy laughed filled the room, but something that made Tubbo's chest feel heavy was hidden underneath it, "Don't lie to me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo stilled, swallowing hard before giving a small nod. The hand in his hair continued to brush though it, but it had started to tug a bit harder and made Tubbo feel discomfort start to fill his stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's not your fault. I should've left, loaded you up and we could've driven far, far, <em>far</em> away," Tubbo couldn't speak, his throat was closing up, "I regret keeping you."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Panic shot through Tubbo and he tried to turn around, trying to see the source of the voice. But his head was held in place and kept to stare at the television.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I shouldn't have said that. Forget I said that, promise me that you'll forget that."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn't fully understand the meaning of desperation behind the words, he just nodded and tried to stop shaking, "I promise I'll forget."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The television's static moved around the screen, and it's noise grew louder and louder. Tubbo's eyes shut tight as his hands flew over his ears, trying to block out the noise the best he could. It didn't work, and he whimpered as tears started to form at the corners of his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh honey," Tubbo felt himself being gathered up and lifted up. His eyes stayed shut as he was gathered into someone's lap. Warmth flooded his body as arms wrapped around him and held him close to the person's chest, "Please don't cry, I don't like it when you cry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo did know that, but he couldn't stop now. The most he could do was quiet down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You cry a lot, don't you?" Even though the voice was lighthearted, Tubbo felt miserable at the words, "I wish you didn't."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I wish you didn't do that either. I wish you didn't do a lot of things. I wish you didn't cry so much, I wish you didn't have to leave me. I wish you didn't think you need to throw yourself away."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A hand gently rubbed circles on Tubbo's back, the action allowing him to find his breath and not chase after air. He was gently pulled away from the person's chest, finally being allowed to look at their face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a young woman, with tired eyes and a soft smile. Her hair was pulled behind her ears but some of the strands had escaped and fell into her face. The familiar blue of a bruise was beginning underneath her eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's heart was racing as he looked at her, watched as she reached out and held his cheek in her hand. He had stopped crying, but he could feel the slow build of a sob wanting to escape.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Mom...?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I wish you weren't afraid of living."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She brushed the hair out of his face, giving him a one last smile before placing a gentle kiss onto his forehead. He felt himself being pulled away, the static from the television getting even louder as it bounced around and closed in on him. He gripped his mother's shirt with white knuckles as she started to push him away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Mom, mom what- Stop it!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry Bee."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's eyes went wide as he was shoved one last time and was sent falling down towards the ground. His mom disappeared into a wall of darkness and Tubbo's vision was overtaken by the television's static.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You need to wake up."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>________________</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a nauseating and awful experience waking up. Almost as soon as Tubbo could open his eyes, he was rolling onto his side and vomiting. His stomach was empty almost right away, and he was left dry heaving and gagging. His arms were shaking as he held himself up away from the ground, eyes screwed shut as he let out a broken gasp.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was struggling to keep breathing when someone was pulling backward and away from the bile on the ground. Tubbo, who was far too weak to fight back just allowed himself to be pulled back, had words leaving his mouth before he could stop himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Let me go back, please let me go-" A gag interrupted his speech and he doubled over, "I just want to go back!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hands were holding him, one wrapped around his arm and another placed on his chest. His skin burned as the hands stayed and he was held tightly against someone's chest. A scream was stuck in his throat. His eyes had opened to allow him to stare up at the night sky as a terrible numbness overtook him. He didn't move for a while, just kept his body still and waited. The familiar warmth of tears flooded his body, but he pushed that feeling down and as far as he could. He couldn't cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn't allowed to cry. He was supposed to stay still and quiet and <em>not</em> cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn't tell how long he was held there, but when he tried to move his joints were stiff and sore. His heart wasn't racing as fast and mind was able to better process everything. His throat still burned, but that was pretty much the only thing that was evidence of his freak out. He tried to stand up, he was kept in place. A whimper escaped from his throat and he hated it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're okay, you're safe."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn't feel safe. He hadn't felt safe in years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Let me go."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's voice was a whisper, and he wondered if he even spoke. Maybe he was just so far in in his head he couldn't tell his thoughts from reality anymore. He wouldn't be surprised. He once went an entire day believing he was speaking only for the man to shout at him for hours because he was apparently ignoring him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So when the hands let him go, his body shook with surprise. He scrambled away from the person, putting his back against a tree's trunk and bringing his legs close to his chest. He looked over at the person who had let him go, locking eyes with Wilbur who looked three seconds away from death.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His face was pale and his brow was covered in a thin way of sweat. Hair was sticking up in multiple directions, curls tangled together in knots that would be a pain to uncomb. Tubbo knew he probably didn't look any better, but he knew he didn't look <em>sick</em>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur took a deep breath, making Tubbo snap to attention, "Sorry for touching you without asking, but I didn't want you to hurt yourself again."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo placed his head between his knees, keeping a careful eye on Wilbur as he tried to gather as much energy as he could. Wilbur wasn't facing him, instead he was across the dying fire. Tubbo dared to follow his gaze to the sight of a sleeping Tommy. He was bundled up with a blanket that was too short for him with legs sticking out awkwardly. Tubbo felt his stomach drop at the sight, and he had to look away almost immediately.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>"Are you hungry?"</p><p> </p><p>Tubbo just shook his head, curling in on himself just a bit more.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do you want to talk about what happened?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's brow furrowed at Wilbur's words, "No, no I don't."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn't like the interrogation he was getting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay, are you gonna be able to sleep again?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, I'll be fine."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Do you want me to stay up until you fall asleep?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn't respond, his mind struggling to find the right answer. This was one of those questions where it didn't matter what <em>he</em> wanted, he had to choose the option that Wilbur wanted. The problem was Tubbo didn't <em>know</em> what Wilbur would want in this situation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You can do whatever you want."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur cast him a glance before sighing and shaking his head, "Okay... Get some rest, please. I'll be here if you need me. Don't be afraid to wake me up."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo wasn't going to take him up on that offer. Just stayed quiet as Wilbur stood up and quietly walked over to Tommy, taking a place by the smaller boy. He laid down on the ground, facing the sky before closing his eyes. Tubbo eyed him carefully, waiting a few seconds before he was sure that the older man was asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He swallowed hard as he let go of his legs and let his body stretch out. His hands were shaking as he dug his fingers into the dirt by his thighs. Bandages were wrapped around his arms and he assumed the same had been done for his chest. The skin was sore and the white of the bandages had been stained a growing red, but his body was no longer in constant pain. He lifted his head back, eyes dancing through the sky, hoping from star to star. He strained his mind as he tried to remember some of the names.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heart felt heavy when he couldn't remember a single one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes grew heavy and forced themselves shut as guilt pooled in his stomach. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth and he considered not speaking at all. When he realized how ungrateful that was to think, he composed himself and spoke his prayer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Lord, please forgive me and my actions. Please allow me to rest and wake tomorrow. I will be better when the sun lights my face. Amen."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo felt his throat closing up and he knew in the morning he wouldn't be allowed to speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>God needed to show that He hadn't completely forgiven Tubbo, and Tubbo knew this was the least that could be taken from him.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello ! i loved all your comments on the last chapter, they were so fun to read. tubbo isnt dead yet, but he defiantly isnt having a great time :)</p><p>also, just gonna promote my <a href="https://twitter.com/lunvirn">twitter</a> again. drop a follow or pop by if you wanna chat</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tubbo continues to travel and has both bad and good moments while doing so</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter is rough, so if you feel like i missed any warnings please let me know, i will add them right away.</p><p>warnings: thoughts of killing someone, slight gore, intrusive thoughts being restrained, burning yourself, panic attack, shouting/threatening to hurt someone</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>According to Tommy, Tubbo was dead for four minutes and thirteen seconds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn't think that was actually true and Wilbur made a weak attempt to stop Tommy's ramblings, but in the end was unsuccessful. So Tubbo was stuck with Tommy's unfiltered thoughts. He couldn't even tell him to stop talking or be quiet, his throat would close up anytime he tried to open his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had cleaned up their campsite. Tommy had been tasked with packing their backpacks, Tubbo in charge of making sure the fire was completely out, and Wilbur dealt with the body of the creature that had been rotting overnight. Tubbo tried to not allow his eyes to dwell on the sight, but the trail of blood that the body had left behind made him left him with twitching hands and a heartbeat in his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tips of Tubbo's fingers were singed and blacked by the coals. He covered the last few warm coals with a layer of dirt, suffocating the change of flames. He dug around in the ashes for a few more seconds, not wanting to show that he had completed his job just yet. His eyes had landed on Tommy, whose back was turned as he shoved the few items into Wilbur's bag. Tubbo's eyes narrowed as they locked onto the gun strapped to Tommy's back, <em>his</em> gun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur was a good distance away, giving Tubbo enough time that he could stand up and rush over to Tommy, knock him to the ground and grab his gun. He could shoot Tommy in the back of the head before he even got to his feet. Wilbur would probably start shouting, maybe run at Tubbo to try and kill him. It wouldn't help, Tubbo would just shoot his leg, maybe his side, and he would be withering on the ground. Tubbo would leave him to bleed out, or maybe a creature would finish him off. He didn't care, he just wouldn't be wasting another bullet for a mercy kill.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The vivid imagery of what his mind supplied him surrounding that idea made me flinch. He didn't want those thoughts, he didn't want to do that. He <em>wouldn't</em> do that. He wanted to stop thinking about hurting Tommy and Wilbur. But when he tried to stop the thoughts, tried to get control of them, they just came back and replayed over and over again. Tubbo could feel himself start to stand, slowly starting to move towards Tommy. He didn't want that but he wasn't in control of his body. He was pleading with himself to stop and turn around, to sit down and stay <em>away</em> from Tommy. Please just let him turn around, just let him turn around, turn around-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone was suddenly screaming, and Tubbo was being ripped away from the fire pit. His back hit the ground and it was only then did he realize that <em>he</em> was the one who was screaming. Blind, hot pain was shooting up his arms, starting from his hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Tubbo! Tubbo can you hear me?!" Tommy was above him, staring down at him with terrified eyes. He was holding his arms to the ground, keeping Tubbo from thrashing around, or at least as well as he could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo screamed even more and began to try and free his arms, trying to get away from Tommy. He was going to hurt him, he was going to kill him-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Get out of your fucking head, man!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, no he couldn't. He had to be good. He had-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Just shut up! Shut up! I'll hurt you!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo was kicking his legs, trying to land a hit on Tommy who's grip on his arms had turned painful. Tubbo screamed one last time before breaking down into sobs. Time ticked by until Tubbo was only quietly whimpering and no longer screaming breaking down. Tommy loosening the grip on his arms when he realized he had stopped thrashing and was now just laying as still as possible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't you <em>fucking</em> move. I need to wrap your hands. You fucked them up."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy's voice was harsh and bitter, and stared down at Tubbo with cold eyes. He pulled his gaze away when silence was all Tubbo gave him in response. Tubbo couldn't say anything to alert Tommy that he had heard him in the first place. Even if he had wanted to speak, God had taken his voice away and his throat was raw and pained. He heard Tommy's footsteps go towards the bags he had just packed. He pulled out a good amount of the items before returning to Tubbo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy grabbed one of Tubbo's arms again, not even sparing the smaller boy a glance before he was pouring cold water out onto the palm of his hand. The liquid hit the skin and immediately made Tubbo scream again. He tried to pull his hand away but Tommy held it tight as he set down the canteen and quickly wrapped Tubbo's hand with a bandage. The pressure applied by the fabric still hurt, but it was far much better than the pain given by the water. Tommy gave the same treatment to his other hand, completely ignoring his screams like before and letting Tubbo finally pull his hand away once he had wrapped it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo rolled onto his side away from Tommy, holding his hands close to his chest as his body shook and he tried to get his breathing under control. His mind supplied him the idea of attacking Tommy again and he found himself considering it more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You don't touch hot coals you fucking moron!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy sat down to the side of Tubbo, making the smaller boy shift further away. His shoulders were still shaking but he had managed to get a hold of breathing. He knew he could probably sit up and get to his feet, but the earth was cold and helped to rid Tubbo of the burning heat sweeping across his skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two boys stayed on the ground for a while, not addressing each other or taking any initiative to try and talk. Tubbo only scrambled to his feet when he heard the sound of footsteps approaching them. He knew deep down it was just Wilbur finally returning to the camp, but his mind jumped to the fact that it was someone else. When he was met with the face of Wilbur, it did very little to calm his racing heart but he was collected enough to not try and attack him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur's face was a mess of colors as he looked between Tommy and Tubbo. He said something that was just a mess of words that Tommy seemed to understand what he had said. He stood up from his spot on the ground and started to gather up the items he had thrown out of the bags.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilbur was staring at Tubbo as he tilted his head ever so slightly, a smile clearly present despite the watercolor painting his face currently looked like. The sight made Tubbo's stomach churn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Are you ready to leave?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn't get to respond before Wilbur was moving past him and started to walk deeper into the woods. Tubbo watched as Tommy followed him. Not wanting to be left behind, Tubbo had no other choice but to follow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did his best to ignore how the world started to blend together with bright colors swirling together that threatened to swallow him whole.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>_________________</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The three of them traveled as long as they, and Tubbo found walking in the shade of trees much easier than the previous hike through the desert. Tommy didn't pester him with questions regarding if he needed to drink anything, and Wilbur didn't even look in his direction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both Tommy and Wilbur acted like Tubbo wasn't walking just a few feet behind. Tubbo found himself more hurt than he liked by that revelation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Traveling wasn't quiet or bathed in silence though. Tommy was making jokes about things Tubbo didn't understand. Wilbur was reminding Tommy of old memories the two shared. Tubbo had already felt out of place before, but now it was like they were trying to isolate him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, Tommy would turn around to look at him, but as soon as Tubbo met his eyes he was turned back around and acted like he wasn't there. Tubbo felt like a pet being stringed along with no purpose other than to keep watch and stay quiet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Part of him told him that's exactly what he was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The day was uneventful and Tubbo spent most of his time just looking around for landmarks or anything else along those lines that could be useful. They had taken a small break midday to allow Wilbur to check the map and catch his breath. Tommy offered Tubbo water and this time he accepted. He didn't want a repeat of the previous day. When Wilbur alerted them that they would be at their camp by tomorrow, Tommy let out a loud cheer before covering his mouth and muttering an apology. Wilbur just laughed, ruffled Tommy's hair and they set off again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The interaction left Tubbo confused and wary of Wilbur.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>________________</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo lay on his back, staring up at the starry night sky. They had  set up their makeshift camp in a small clearing, not too far from a small stream that Wilbur explained they would be following tomorrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had traveled for as long as they could, only stopping when Tommy started to trip over roots and twigs that he couldn't see because of the darkening world. Wilbur could only take a few minutes of Tommy complaining before it drained him and forced him to find a place for them to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy had started a small fire, this time without Tubbo's help, and cooked a few cans of food for everyone. Tubbo ate it as quick as he could, ignoring the side eye he got from both Tommy and Wilbur. He kept his head down and eyes locked on the can of food. He knew that people didn't like it when he watched them eat, they normally got mad and shouted at him. And if they got mad enough, they would take the food away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo was already running an empty stomach, he needed to eat <em>something</em> to avoid becoming useless and sluggish.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo had been struggling to fall asleep for a while. The sounds of the woods with the leaves rustling and insects singing echoed around him. The gurgling of the river was whispered in his ears. He had never heard anything like it before and he allowed himself to just relax and listen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wondered what it would be like to see the rain here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Tubbo continued to listen, his ears picked up on a sound that didn't belong to anything in the woods. The faint sound of sobbing filled the air and Tubbo was immediately on high alert. The sound was muffled and Tubbo imagined that whoever was crying had covered their mouth. A shaking breath was taken and a sob was stopped halfway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn't move, just shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep. His ears allowed him to get the picture of what was going on. Someone was standing up, and their footsteps were getting fainter and fainter. Whoever was crying had walked into the woods.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Tubbo couldn't hear the footsteps anymore, he shot up and looked over to where Tommy and Wilbur had been sleeping. He wasn't completely surprised when he saw Wilbur still fast asleep, but knowing that Tommy had entered the woods crying made him sick.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was on his feet before he had a second thought. He only stood still for a few seconds, looking at Wilbur before he was taking off in the direction that he had heard Tommy go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had a promise he needed to keep. He needed to follow directions and be good.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was dark, far too dark to be traveling between trees, though Tubbo still managed the best he could. He didn't have a trail to follow, just a general direction to go. But when he had walked for nearly ten minutes and found no sign of Tommy, panic started to bubble in his stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He began to grow frantic, his walk turning into a run. His heart was starting to race, his breathing coming less and less. He was lightheaded and he nearly fell to the ground. He couldn't go back, not without Tommy. He didn't even know if he could make it back, his sense of direction having been destroyed from just running around blindly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked up at the sky, ready to fall to the ground and allow God to make this ground his grave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, then he heard it. It was covered up by the noise of the forest and the river that had gotten significantly louder, but Tubbo still heard the quiet sniffling. His head snapped to the direction it came from and he was racing towards it once again. Ten seconds of running and he found himself at the river's shore, Tommy sitting on the bank with his feet dipped in the slowly moving water.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy's back was to Tubbo, but the sight still made him freeze. This wasn't what he expected to find. To be fair, he hadn't really known <em>what</em> to expect, but this wasn't it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"If you're going to stay here, you can sit down, y'know."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy's voice was quiet, but it still made Tubbo jump. He paused, giving Tommy a look with narrow eyes when the other boy didn't turn around. His back stayed facing Tubbo and something snapped inside him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How'd you know I was here?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His voice was horse and still hurt from screaming. It didn't help that he hadn't spoken all day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy laughed and patted the ground next to him. Tubbo hesitated before following the direction and taking a seat beside Tommy, "I could hear you running around. You breath very loudly," Tubbo glared at Tommy who still hadn't turned to look at him, "I'm sorry if I woke you up, I tried to leave quietly."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn't want to explain that he hadn't been sleeping in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Why'd you leave anyway? Or like why- Why didn't you wake up Wilbur?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo watched as Tommy's shoulders tensed and his mind immediately went to planning how he could take Wilbur out. While he was sleeping would be the best option, but he might have a weapon. Maybe he could shoot him? That would be easy but it would be loud. Maybe they could just run-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Can you stop thinking about ways to kill my brother?" Tubbo snapped to look at Tommy, who was glaring at him with cold eyes. It was a look that Tubbo had seen on Wilbur before, "It makes you a freak, y'know."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo didn’t comment on him saying 'freak, trying to ignore how deep it cut, "You heard me?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Tommy could hear thoughts, then Tubbo wasn't the freak here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy rolled his eyes and looked back at the slowly moving water again, "When you get all in your head you fucking mutter. You should work on that," Tommy snorted, gently elbowing Tubbo in the side, "Someone might get upset 'bout it, slap you or some shit."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo nodded to show that he understood what Tommy was saying, "Okay. I'll work on it," Either Tubbo didn't sound as terrified as he felt, or Tommy didn't care, "But why did you leave."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy picked up a rock from the shore and tossed it into the water. Tubbo watched the ripples spread across the surface, the reflection of the moon and stars distorting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Had a flashback or some shit like that. I don't know, Will says it's from trauma, which I think is bullshit," Tubbo didn't want to interrupt to tell Tommy he didn't know what that was, "But anyway, uh some- Whenever this happens, I just need to get away."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo frowned, "Wilbur doesn't help?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy picked at a loose thread on his jeans, "He does, more than he'll ever realize. But sometimes I just, I don't know- I just don't want to bother him? These moments pass pretty quick. Plus, some of the ways he deals with these situations aren't the best for me or him."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A harsh stinging across his face.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh... I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You shouldn't apologize for things you haven't done, Techno taught me that. I think you should start thinking like that too."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I don't know who that is."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You will. He might not like you, but I honestly think you could kick his ass, so that might earn you some points," Tommy took a deep breath, looking up at the moon with a slight smile, "I know the deal you made with Will."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo's eyes went wide and his heart started to race, "Wh- What?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"'Keeping me safe' or however put it, I heard about that. Will isn't a  good whisperer."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo pinched the skin of leg hard enough to leave a small bruise, "Oh, wh- Is that a problem?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy shook his head, "I mean, maybe? I don't know honestly. I'll probably tell him off, but it's not your fault," Tubbo didn't know who's fault it would be besides his, "Get out of your head."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo flinched, "Sorry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy waved him off, "Yeah, yeah, I know you are," The two fell into a silence only filled by the river and the few singing insects, "It's a nice fucking night, innit?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo nodded, his voice thin and unusable now. The energy he had been using to find Tommy was finally gone, leaving him about two seconds away from passing out. Tommy looked over at him and gave him a lopsided smile before standing up. Tubbo watched as he brushed his jeans off and picked his shoes up from the ground. He tucked them under his arm as he outstretched a hand to Tubbo, who tensed at the motion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy gave him a sympathetic look but kept his hand outstretched still, "Come on Tubbo, let's get back to camp, yeah?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo looked between Tommy's face and his hand. Something broke in his chest and had to actively fight to keep tears from forming in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly, he reached up and took Tommy's hand.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh man, this is so very late ! im currently in a place with terrible internet connection so getting this out was a huge struggle. this chapter is a rough one so i decided to give you all a little bit of hope at the end. thank you all for the support, its kinda crazy to me that people are enjoying this as much as they are :). anyway, please leave your thoughts in the comments, i love reading them so much and follow my <a href="https://twitter.com/lunvirn">twitter</a> here !</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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